The Road to Perfection is Paved with Chocolate Chip Coffee Almond Muffins?!

I have been keeping secrets from you, food-blog.

I didn’t realize it at first, but I was keeping you in the dark, unconscious of the obsession that had begun to take over my life.

I gave you the first hint of my obsession, but never mentioned it when my life began to slowly unravel—flour on the walls, ceilings, supermarket stops where an ungodly amount of money is spent on mix-ins, hour upon hour staring at Kitchen-aid mixers online, trips to Macy’s where I take the gleaming mixer, walk up to the register, and then double back, screaming at myself that I do not have an extra 300 bucks lying around, the full hour cross-trainer sessions where I sweat enough to fill a bath tub, and the experimentations… oh, the experimentations.

If you haven’t guessed, muffins have taken over my life.

I think about them, a lot. I think about the new flavor combinations I can create. I think of ways to make them moist and fluffy. I categorize them as healthy and unhealthy and I schedule which days I should make which kind so that they coordinate with the days I work out. I add dollops of raspberry jam on top of the healthy ones so that they don’t seem healthy anymore. I toy with the ideas of using stranger and stranger ingredients, in varying quantities. I think about the best muffins I’ve ever had, and I plot destroying them with my super-muffins (when I actually create some, I’ll let you know!) I use marscapone cheese. I bark at my boyfriend, who used to be a personal trainer and is the epitome of a gym freak, that we need 10 more minutes on the cross-trainer, chanting to myself, “Another muffin tonight baby, who says muffins are for breakfast?! I’mma eat em all day long!” I fear soon I may have calve muscles the size of Texas.

And I don’t tell you any of this. I let you suffer, food-blog, with only one or two posts throughout the week. But no more. I’ve decided to open myself up to you and let you in. But, please, don’t hurt me—not all muffins are delicious, some are down-right nasty. Sometimes chocolate just doesn’t go with pumpkin granola… and that’s OK. The road to perfection is paved with failed recipes.

Chocolate Chip Coffee Almond Muffins

Despite all the chocolate, these muffins are not sweet. The almond extract makes them a bit interesting so if you want more traditional muffins, omit. If you want a sweeter muffin, add 3/4 cup molasses or and extra 1/2 light brown sugar.

Time: 30 minute prep, 15-25 minute bake at 350°

Yeild: 12 hulkin’ muffins or 16-24 little ones

• 2 cups unprocessed wheat bran
• 1 1/2 cups sour cream
• 1 cup whipping cream
• 1 cup chocolate chips (I used 60% chocolate)
• Tbsp dark roast, fine ground coffee or espresso

• 3 cups whole wheat pastry flour
• 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp baking soda

• 1 stick butter, softened
• 1/2 cup light brown sugar
• 4 eggs
• 1 tsp almond extract

• extra chocolate chips
• extra sprinkle of coffee

1. Place first five ingredients in a medium bowl and mix well.
2. Sift the next three ingredients into a small bowl.
3. Mix butter and sugar in a large bowl until light and fluffy. Slowly add in each egg one by one, combining well. Fold in almond extract.
4. Add the bran mixture to the large bowl, fold in.
5. Slowly and gently add the flour into the large bowl also, try not to over-mix (but it happens to the best of us!)
6. Heap batter into greased (or lined) muffin cups. Make anywhere between 12 and 24 depending on the size you want your muffin. Top with extra chips and coffee.
7. Bake in oven for 15-25 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean (if it comes out chocolatey that’s alright, just not stuck full of batter!)
8. Cool on a wire rack, eat some while warm and gooey, save others in an airtight container for 7-10 days (if they last that long!)

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